The Fall

There is something fascinating about the end months of the year. We aren't quite into what I like to think of as the dead months-- after the leaves are gone and everything is brown and grey and black, just waiting for the covering of snow-- but it's coming. After the crisp, sunny days of September and October, when the colors burst against the sky and summer says its last good-bye, dreary November will haunt the blackened forests, the leaves soggy and cold underfoot. A shallow wind creaks through the trees and the rain never really stops coming down.

This is the worst time of year to watch scary movies, to live in rural Vermont, to be alone. I used to be afraid a lot during this time of year. Somehow I am taking solace in its depressing discomfort this time around, and I suspect it has to do with my unhappiness at where I am right now.

After the summer, I wanted to start my post-grad life right away somewhere other than Vermont. I've been here for my whole life and worked with a lot of local companies. I want to experience new places. I love and miss my family, especially my extended family, who I don't see often. They are always there for me though, a short email or a quick phone call away: my parents, my grandma... and with my brothers settling down I don't feel the need to stay here.

So it's time.

But I don't have the money to move to the city yet, and the couple of places that made offers would probably have made me more miserable and bored than ever, so I'm staying at home, saving money, and getting my union card. It's reasonable. Logical. I'm just not patient enough, I guess. I want my independent life to begin now.

At least I'm not afraid anymore.