How I Beat Insomnia

Once upon a time, from age 8 to age 18, I suffered from insomnia. Night after night I laid awake, afraid because everyone else in my house was asleep and I wasn't. Later, as I grew older, I started wondering why I couldn't sleep. I counted sheep and read boring books and listened to soothing music. I was tired by day. I didn't care about much during high school. When I started college and found I needed the natural energy that sleep provides, I was incredibly frustrated. I took sleeping pills which didn't help me, and was afraid to take more. I tried herbal muscle relaxants. I panicked sometimes, knowing it would affect my classes and my life more than ever.

The summer after my freshman year of college was my first summer stock experience, spent as a stage management/rotating shop intern at Saint Michael's Playhouse. And it was there I discovered I could work myself into such exhaustion daily that I would sleep, at last. Maybe that is some of the reason I love summer stock so much, and why I love days in general that leave me wiped out. This week, my first week working at a scene shop in Boston, has left me silly-tired every day, and I absolutely love it. The work, the people, and the sleep I get at night. Don't get me wrong, I love my job for many other and more important reasons...but somehow sleep is the final factor that tells me I'm doing things right!

My sleeping problems are far from over. I started having vivid dreams around the time I started college, dreams that stress me out, that make me feel like I haven't slept at all when I wake up, dreams that disorient and frighten me. I'm never in control, I'm not a lucid dreamer or able in any way to wake up or realize I'm dreaming. I've woken up sick, shaking, crying, or startled. Sometimes I do wake up contented, which I'm thankful for; occasionally, it seems, a dream will come and resolve a problem or an issue in my subconscious. I guess whatever my brain is working on at night, it's important. I'd rather have it do its job than be that teenager who couldn't sleep and walked around in a hazy dream all day.